I tried taken my advice, getting out more and doing things. I didn't really do much except, instead of using my free time on the computer, I would go for long car drives. I Would wald but the weather is really crappy right now. But back to the subject at hand, I've been talking to a couple of girls at work. I seemed like things were progressing nicely. Well, it's kinda a back story to all this actually.
Before I started talking to her, she was talking to another guy at work and they actually had a date planned out. This was another hot topic at work for about a week. Out of nowhere, she just broke it of claiming that she was moving and had to get everything packed for this was the last week she would be able to do so. Everyone wondered what happened, but she never truly gave a complete answer. But anyway, I found myself talking and "flirting" with her. I had a little crush, but not anything serious, just wanted to get to know her that's all. Then everyone blow it up as if I had a huge crush on her. This made me feel weird because after the women trouble I've had, I'm really not ready for a steady relationship. So anyway, I kinda chilled on the flirting with her for a while. Word was still going around though, the original guy (whom was supposed to go on the date) caught wind of this and it made him bit jealous. He wouldn't even talk to me for days.
The other guys found out to and said that I should "hook up" with her. I kept saying that I wasn't interested in a relationship, but if anything were to come out of it, would be friends only. They thought I was scared. So I "cowboy'd up" and continued our flirting and cutting up. In the middle of our conversation, I had an urge to ask why she didn't go out with the other guy again. She said that "He really wasn't her type. The type of guy that she's looking for is someone that can provide for her and her child. Someone to take care of her. Someone that she could rely on an not have to work. I don't see him as being that type, I mean, he still lives with his mom and I heard that he's never had sex."
I immediately thought, "sugardaddy". Then I thought to myself , "Well, that's not me either.", I really didn't know what to say after that. After we had this conversation, she really didn't talk to me for the rest of the day. I wondered, "What's up? What did I do? Did I say or do something wrong? And what? What the fuck did I do this time?" All these thoughts where in my head and I couldn't get them out. So I instantly thought I was rejected. I don't know, I get like this everytime. I'm just not good with people. I jump to conclusions before anything is really determined. When the guys asked me if anything came out of ou conversation, I said yes, I found out a lot, and left it at that. I already knew she had a kid, but I really didn't know that she had big expectations for her mate. Not really big, normal, but for me just it's hard. I can barely support myself, let alone a significant other or a child, so I put myself of the list.
I thought a lot of things. "Maybe she thinks I'm that type." "Maybe she doesn't like me the same as I like her." "Maybe I'm reading to much into this". "I should quit, have a beer and call it a night". I just felt strange after this whole thing, maybe I should wait till monday and see how things go, but I really wanted to avoid this whole thing to begin with. I don't know, I just thought I had a good understanding on women, but I don't, I wish I did though.
-mx-