I't been three months since I started my job and I have yet to make any new friends. I keep telling myself, "You didn't come here to make friends, you come here to work. That's what you should do since your in all kinds of debt before your 25th birthday." I'm having this combination of wanting to be around some of my co-workers, but not. Half of them are stupid anyway. One of them busted his eardrum buy cleaning his ear with a pencil. A FUCKING PENCIL . Not with the blunt end either. He took that # 2 and shoved it right in there. Damn what an idiot.
Anyhoo, I just worry about what everyone thinks of me there and I shouldn't. I'm driving myself crazy. I wish I hadn't got arrested a few months back cause my life was going smooth then. Well kinda. I was still having relationship trouble with some of my friends but it could have been worked out. Now, I feel like a piece of crap. My "friends" look at me differently know except for the ones that don't know I was in jail. I want to tell them but I feel like If I did, they'll push me away just like the other ones have.
I should be asleep. I shouldn't be worrying about this crap. I just feel so.. So alone right know. I've never felt this alone before. I can't seem to get myself out of this whole that I put myself in. I just feel like no one understands and no one cares. even my family. I don't really think they care either. Well, my mom does but I don't get a chance to talk to her much cause she works at night. My grandmother has been supportive too, but she's been in and out of the hospital and rehab for the last few months.
I hate to blog about my problems, but I don't have anything else. It's just me right know in my own little sad world. I hope I can get myself out of this, but it's getting harder everyday.