#1. Always speak out of turn. I've come to learn that if you interupt people while they're having a conversation, they tend to not like that. Especially when the conversation is interesting to them.(And only them.)
#2. Be brutaly honest. Be honest to the point where its hurtful and you can't take anything back. I'v done research on this method, and it works extremely well. If a "friend" ask you for advice, then you should give it to them. But, if they don't follow the advice that you give, don't hesitate to tell them that they are a fucking moron. Men who follow this rule are usually called "assholes", while the females are known by the name "bitch".
#3.Always make promises that you can't keep. This ones self -explanitory. Not only does this work on "friends", but this also works on those pesky family members.
#4. Never pay attention. I've always have been a stickler for listening to what the other person has to say. But I've come to realize that listening to some one elses problems doesn't help you out any. So what I do is pretend that i'm listenting, then I go do something else. Things that are known to be trivial,(such as inability to gain/lose weight, (boy)girlfriend trouble, bad hair days, losing a coupon, or not having enough time to clean the kitchen) these things have nothing to do with your income or you health, so they are unimportant to you and should be treated so.
Finally, and this is the most important one.
#5. Be obnoxious. Actually, this on covers all the bases. So much could be done in this simple rule. Like complaining on, on, on, and on about nothing. Or always repeating what some else says, then using it as your own phrase to make you sound smart or cool. Always trying to be hip and in style, but no one really gives a shit about the clothes your wearing, the care your driving, the new gadgets that you have,or the new weight loss fad that your trying .
With these simple rules, you too could lose that "friend" or person that only comes around when they have nothing but drama to bring. Use step 4, but if the person lacks the intellect or is "mentally challenged" then don't hesitate to pull out the heavy artillery from your vernacular.(name calling or insulting . Step 2). So take it from me, the less "friends" you have that only cause you nothing but stress, the better of you'll be. And in the end, adding years to your life.